SEXUAL CONFLICT AND OUR LOVEMAPS
Our childhood experiences, especially the sexual ones, have lasting effects on our sex lives. They are recorded in the cerebral cortex and added to our lovemaps. For example, if a child is kissed and hugged, kissing and hugging may become an important part of the child’s lovemap. This is because our lovemaps are most open to impression during childhood.
We are likely to feel sexual inhibitions or conflict at some point in our lives. The ones we feel as children can have a lasting effect on us, too. For example, if a child is spanked, especially when erotically aroused, spanking may become an important part of the lovemap.
If we grow up to have lovemaps that allow us to be sexually aroused by kissing and hugging and sexual intercourse in ways that are socially approved, we are said to have normophilia. This means that our sexual “likes” are considered common or “normal” by our society. We are said to have paraphilia if we grow up to have lovemaps that allow us to be sexually aroused only by other likes.
Paraphilic lovemaps include activities, relationships, conditions, or objects that are considered uncommon. For example, while many people with normophilic lovemaps occasionally enjoy and are aroused by playful spanking while they have sex, people who cannot become sexually aroused without being spanked or having fantasies of being spanked are said to have a paraphilia called masochism.
Not all the causes of paraphilia are clearly understood. Some children who have felt severe disapproval or have been harshly punished for their sexuality or sexual desires may grow up to develop paraphilias. For example, a child who is sexually aroused and treated angrily by a parent may grow up to fear rejection in sexual relationships. As an adult, it may be safer to develop erotic attachment to shoes than to the people wearing them. This paraphilia is called fetishism.
Having a shoe fetish is only one of hundreds of possible fetishisms. Some people develop a fetish for various parts of the body, such as the foot. Some develop a fetish for lacy underwear. The lingerie industry is based on the idea that women in brief lacy underwear are sexually arousing. Some people can’t have an orgasm unless their partners are wearing silk underwear. Other people jus like the look or feel of silk underwear.
There are hundreds of different paraphilias. Most paraphilias are much more common in men than in women. Perhaps this is because men may be more likely to be aggressive in their sexual expressions than women. Perhaps because women are less likely to be aggressive, their paraphilias may be less obvious and more difficult to identify.
*102/155/5*
Add A Comment
You must be logged in to post a comment.