YOUR MARITAL HEALTH/FINDING OUT WHO’S THE MATTER WITH US: HOT SEXUAL PROBLEMS – HYPERAROUSAL
HYPERAROUSAL: I get all sweaty. My heart beats, any hands are wet, but I feel kind of cold. I get over-ready, overanxious. I’m so turned on that I can’t even feel anything really. I just seem carried away, like I have to do it now or I’ll explode. My wife keeps saying “Slowdown, slow down, take it easy,” but I just want to take it fast. I really can’t control it.
HUSBAND
I have an “on” switch, I swear. I even start kind of a nervous laugh and get dizzy. I don’t know what’s happening, but it’s like running as fast as I can down a steep hill and not being able to stop. It’s frightening, really.
WIFE
Three hundred forty-nine men and 284 women classified themselves as experiencing this hyperarousal state in what they felt was “most” of their sexual experiences. Remember, we all experience this state sometimes in our sexual lives, and we can all experience more than one sexual problem at a time. In fact, hyperarousal and seminal seepage or early Skene’s glands emissions in the absence of contractions commonly occur together.
Hot times in our lives typically result in this “out of control” orientation, and it extends to our sex life. When we are running hot, when we are hostile, impatient, and competitive, we are in a state of maladaptive hyperarousal. Sex can be so intense, so fast-paced, that we almost miss it entirely. Our sexual intensity, our sexual speed seems to break the intimacy barrier instead of the sound barrier, but little real intimacy results as we go right past it.
This category of problem contains erective difficulties. The failure of the penis or clitoris to erect or a lessening of intensity of erective experience is simply a natural reflex to the accompanying emotional state of anxiety, of running hot. It makes little sense to treat the symptom instead of the cause or to blame the penis or clitoris for failing to erect while we are sending direct neurohormonal orders for them not to do so.
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